Sunday, February 23, 2014

Some Wisdom Out, Some Wisdom In

I had a very interesting week. In order for any worthy member to serve a full-time mission their health must be in good standing. The last thing on my list to do before I can leave is get my wisdom teeth pulled. This last Monday I went and did just that. The surgery was very quick and I went home and died on my couch for a few days haha. However, the numbness didn't die along with me... My sutures were healing nicely and the pain from that was going down, but after four days half of my lip, chin, and teeth were still numb. On Friday my mom took me back into the dentist and a new dentist mapped out my numbness and explained that my nerve is extremely close to where my surgery took place so the swelling from the healing of may be blocking the nerve and that if the swelling didn't go down and my feeling didn't return in a month to come back. My mom then explained that I was leaving the country and that we didn't have a month. The dentist then told us we would have to see a specialist. My mother asked if my situation was normal and the dentist laughed and said no. Thanks dentist... So I got some more medicine and was told I needed to relax and rest for at least another week, and possibly longer, that that's the only way the swelling is going to go down. If you know me well, I don't relax very easily, I like to be up doing things and working and feeling productive so that was kind of a bummer. I had to quit my job which wasn't fun. I had to go home and do nothing, which wasn't fun.
However, what was interesting was that during this whole time at the dentist when she was saying that my condition isn't normal and that it could be nerve damage and the thought of not being able to leave on my mission on time because of freakin numbness lingered, I was completely at peace. When I was in the car driving home with my mom I wasn't worrying about not being able to leave on my mission in time. In that moment where I could have been freaking out and panicking because of what might happen, I was completely calm. Yes, I was upset because my face was (and is) still nub and tingly all the time and I still can't eat because I can't feel my teeth and I had to quit my job and lose an income, but I KNEW that I was still going to be leaving for my mission on time, I just knew. My mom could clearly see that I was upset and she told me that I just need to relax and not worry that it wasn't worth putting my health second and then not being able to leave on time and I knew that. I was upset about those little things, but I had no doubt in my mind that I would be leaving on time, that I just needed to give up those things and COMPLETELY trust God now that He would take care of me and get me out on time.
It's funny how one can learn alot in a week from doing nothing haha. Before I thought I had faith that God would take care of me because I was working hard, and He's glad I'm working hard and is proud of what I've accomplished on my own, but now I feel like He's saying to me "You have given and done more than enough, time for you to rest and REALLY trust that I will help you with everything. Yes, you don't have all the money. Yes, you don't have all the material read and memorized. Yes, you aren't perfect, but trust that I will make up the difference, because I already have. You are ready. You always have been. Time to just let go and let me take care of the rest..."
I feel after this week I can finally accept that. It's silly that it always takes me getting physically ill to get His point across in my head haha but God answers prayers in mysterious ways.
Heavenly Father knows me so well. He knows that I was giving my all and trying to do everything myself so others wouldn't have to worry. He knows that I try so hard to be a good example and that I push myself really hard and that it tires me out sometimes. He also knows that He needs to smack me around at times, though, to get me to stop and realize that it's ok to slow down and take a break, to take a deep breath, to let someone help me, to let it go and to stop worrying about paying for my mission and stop worrying about if I'm ready or not and to put trust in Him. If He keeps telling me that I am ready and that I need to stop worrying then I need to believe Him. I am ready. I have never been more ready. I am so excited, everyday I wish I was already there in Mexico.
I am ready. I have no doubt that I will gain feeling back in the rest of my face and that I will be healed. Already my family and I are seeing improvements and I haven't even seen the specialist yet.  Prayers and the priesthood and loving friends and family are sometimes the best cures. God has a plan for me, I have been following it, but now it's time for me to cross the tightrope with Him, let Him carry me a little bit, and I am ready.
God knows each of you too. He loves you and wants to help guide you across your tightropes. Let Him carry you. He will help you even if you feel you don't deserve it, because you do. You are a child of God. :)

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